Tears that don’t flow…

She had wanted to let it out for months! Everything that was brewing a storm inside her. Him leaving. Him never looking back. Her losing faith in everything and everyone; including god. Him finding someone else’s arms more comforting. Him smiling down at his wife on their wedding day. She could not shed a single tear. She wondered for years how she’d ever be able to live with herself if he ever, EVER, leaves her alone in middle of everything she called her whole world. Him being the centre of it of course. Him actually being her whole world precisely. And yet she was staring at the pictures from his wedding shoot, staring at his face. The face she had yearned to touch million moments every night for years. The face she looked for in every crowded place she went to for months. She was wondering, and waiting. Waiting for the tears to flow. Anything. Any regret. Any pain.

They said pain comes in stages. First stage is denial. She had accepted he was gone. She accepted she could not trust anyone after that. Her trying to pull away had cost her every relation she knew. Friends, family, parents, god. Every relationships she had ever known. No one could see how she slowly drifted apart and lead herself to the barren land of loneliness where all she had was herself.

She waited for the tears to flow. She waited on. She knows its this inability to let it all out that’s turned her into a stone. Her soul, her heart, her numb emotions. Everything. Oh the burden of these stone-turned heart & soul she carried around.

She’s waiting.She’s still sitting on a rock at the end of the world, staring at the setting sun, hoping for the tears to flow out, to find the pieces of herself she knew and missed the most, the pieces that made her a woman with feelings and emotions. She’s hoping the night will set it & she will cry her heart out. And when the sun rises the next morning, she can be her old alive self again!

Love & light her way

X Zb

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