Not Forgiving, Not Forgetting. 


They say we never really forget and we never really forgive. Like Carrie Bradshaw once put it, “can we forget without forgiving  and can we forgive without forgetting?” And what if we are incapable of doing either of them? 

There are some things that I can forget. Him, for example. That I can forget. But what I cannot forget is what he did to me, how he broke me in ways no one else ever can, because I will never be whole again for someone to break. I cannot forget how I wanted to give him the world, my whole world, and put him at the center of it, make everything revolve around him, and yet it somehow was not enough for him. I made the most common mistake all women at some point make, by making him my everything and hoping some day he can make me his everything too. How can I forget the way I transformed while going through the process of giving someone all I had to offer and still not be good enough for him? I cannot forget how he shadowed my life and my dreams dark shades of black, when all I gave him was a bright rainbow and all its vivid, beautiful colors. I cannot forget the way he broke me, and my heart. 

And I definitely cannot forgive.


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