Emotional addictions are not choices, or are they?

I was hopelessly addicted to the happiness only his preence could make me feel.

He was irrevocably addicted to the pains of what had tormented his soul years ago.

Its 11pm, I have been in bed since 9pm & all im thinking about is; whats more addictive! Happiness or pain? Do we constantly go back to what hurts us or is it the happiness of finding familiarity which pushes us back to where we left?

I have always told myself & others that happiness is a choice. You make a conscious choice to be happy (or to be unhappy) but is it a conscious choice to choose pain? Is it a choice to find happiness in pain?

Im hopelessly in love with a person whose hopelessly in love with being tortured. Psychologically people who suffer pain in early years of their lives, inflict pain over others in their adult relationships. If I find my happiness in presence of this person & this person alone, does that make both of us addicted to pain? And if I’m happy with him & he’s happy with his pain, does that make both of us addicted to happiness?

X ZB

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